One of the regular comments in the “Mates Guide” seminar is people challenging the idea of negotiating in relationships.

My normal reply is to discuss the difference between negotiation and compromise.  One of the things that we often do in life is to consider that our jobs, relationships or money must have precedence over our integrity.

So my question to you is ‘what are you willing to compromise for a partner, job, wealth?’  And more importantly what kind of values are you modelling to your children.

  • Are you modelling that they can not have a job where they are competent, proud and fulfilled?
  • Are you modelling that they need to subjugate themselves to their partner?
  • Are you modelling that wealth and money require giving up contentment and family?

For it is not the values and lives that we tell our children about, that they believe.  It is our actions and behaviours that they believe.  They will end up knowing, deep in their bones, that life is about compromise and struggle.  OR, they will know an abundant, fulfilled life with integrity.

IN TRUTH, THE CHOICE IS YOURS!

OK, I am somewhat at a loss about this particular research release?  Anyone got any feedback for me?

On one hand as a person who studies violence this seems to me to be completely reasonable and understandable, (don't get me wrong, I do not support it.)  On the other I am unsure as to whether or not I agree with the world violence (meaning physical aggression) in this context

Violence between couples

Found a great news article about what happens in the brains of angry men.  Apparently when we get upset some of our empathy software shuts down.

Who woulda thunkit?

Anger management

One of the things that really has me confused is the way violence prevention grants are phrased.  These grants for violence prevention are based on certain assumptions about violence and what causes it.

I have a lot of experience in community work and am a nutritionists. I have long since given up on government funding for violence prevention.  The funding is always based on a moral/psychological intervention.

However one of the things that I do understand as a nutritionist is that there are many nutrient deficiency's that cause issues that contribute to aggression and violence.  Anxiety, depression, impulse control disorder, nervousness, insomnia and irritability can all be symptoms of nutrient deficiency's.

When are we going to start funding programs with long term funds that fund violence prevention programs that include all the causes of domestic and social violence.

It is time people, for violence prevention funding and grants to get serious about preventing violence.

A mate's guide is the outcome of many years experience in community development, social justice, primary health care and Nutrition.

A major area of concern for me has been to watch the ongoing attempts to minimise or remove violence from our society.  Over a long period of watching people try and fail with many different approaches I started reading about climatologists and the fact that they only have one example to study.  So they bring all disciplines together to study the planet.

It occurred to me that this would work with violence prevention. To this end I have spent much of the last 15 years studying aspects of violence and aggression from many different approaches.   The outcomes for me have been rather startling and somewhat depressing.  The major points for me are

  1. We have a clear understanding about the causes of violence and aggression.
  2. A number of research projects have pointed towards successful interventions.
  3. Interventions that work are common and easily available.
  4. They are long term.
  5. Governments are not interested in funding long term projects.
  6. Peace is possible, conflict is a choice made by ignorance.

To this end I have started a mate's guide to introduce this simple (yet secret) knowledge to people.

A friend told me about this guy. I thought it sounded a bit iffy so I went and had a look around and read some of his stuff. I have to say I love it. This guy is right on the button. You can see him on TED.

Simon Sinek is a author in the states who came up with an idea called "Start with why?" It is about approaching life from the best place to get action.

So I would suggest having a look and seeing what you think.

Talk soon, Fran

Came across a great video. This lady is american and talks very quickly. But try to not let that you distract you from the message.
Reinventing the school lunch!

Sadly most people do not know what a healhy diet is, not because they are lazy or ignorant or do not care. Â It is because there is so much information out there that it just becomes confusing. Â

What is even worse is that the vast majority of the information out there is not for your benefit, it is produced simply to get you to buy something. And since the commodification of food by the big corporations, who sponsor much of the research, you have to have a degree in nutrition simply to understand whether or not the research is meaningful.

Fortunately, hidden away out there among all the sales pitches and marketing information there is a great deal of information that can help you to have a healthy and balanced diet.

Lets start with the word diet. Â Simply it just means what a person normally eats, or what you habitually eat and drink. Â So a healthy diet simply means eating plenty of what you do need and avoiding what you don't need.

So some simple guidelines for a balanced and healthy diet

Avoid refined carbohydrates - bread, biscuits, cake, breadrolls, pizza bases, white pasta.

Minimise stimulants - Coffee, gurana, Soda's, sugars, alcohol.

Avoid processed meats - sausages, mince, meatloaf, pepperoni, luncheon sausage etc.

Minimise grain intake and only eat wholegrain products.

Avoid artificial flavourings, colorings, sweeteners and preservatives.

Eat fresh unprocessed foods, as much as possible.

Minimise dairy intake.

Eat lots of steamed or fresh, minimally cooked vegetables and greens.

Use whole unrefined coldpressed oils - Avocado, Grapeseed or Olive.

As far as possible eat lean, free range meats. Never grain or lot fed.

There are many other guidelines and over the coming weeks I will go into much more detail about individual foods and foodtypes.

Â

Talk to you soon.Â

I received a comment last week that has sort of turned into a long letter so I will post it here.

Hi,

I am looking for a water purifier for my mother (who has osteoporosis) as they have just begun flouridating the water where she lives. I've checked into both Nikken (of which I have a PiMag system) and Zazen (which appears to be a little cheaper) and there are a couple of things that concern me on the Zazen site.

"High in Antioxidants - eliminates free radicals" - How is this possible?

"It also helps increase the amount of oxygen (a natural antioxidant) in the water – oxygen is actually absorbed 10 x faster in water than from breathing!" How on earth is oxygen an antioxidant? This sounds like an oxymoron to me.

I know you don't represent Zazen, but as you recommned both I wondered if you knew anything further about this?

Kind regards,
--------------------------------------------------
Hi XXXX.
Sorry for the delay on this reply. Have you found a filter yet?

There are a number of issues in your short post. Thanks for the opportunity to answer them.

Osteoporosis is a fairly well understood disease in terms of nutrition although most people find it difficult to understand.
Firstly, osteoporosis is rarely caused by an inadequate intake of calcium. It is most often the amount of calcium we excrete that is the issue. Taking excess calcium can slow down the progress of the problem but usually does not address the causal issues. There was a chinese study recently of several hundred vegan buddhist nuns that found not one single case of osteoporosis and their average intake of calcium was less than 400mg per day.

Most often the issues are to do with a diet with high levels of inflammatory agents. There are a couple of posts on my site that address some of these issues. Osteoporosis can also be a disease symptom but that is not very often the case. If you want more information feel free to get in touch.

Regarding the Zazen system. The owners of the business are friends of mine and while I have nothing to do with their business I am quite happy with the Zazen system.

The comment about the antioxidants, well! That can actually be a rather long story, however the short version is. Vitamins are not the only antioxidants. Quite a number of minerals are too, and some of those minerals are too. Some of those antioxidants are the electrolyte chemicals that the systems replace in the water. So yes the Zazen and Pimag systems produce water with the ability to neutralize free radicals.

I will leave the oxygen question alone for now. Suffice it to say they are correct but the answer is long and complicated and rather boring for anyone who has not got an interest in the minutiae of biochemistry.

Anyway, the outcome is that I do support the Zazen and the Nikken systems. As a distributor of Nikken I naturally lean that way but I certainly do not believe that one is 'better' than the other.

Regarding fluoride.

Do not get me wrong. I am, do and always have absolutely opposed adding fluoride to drinking water. I think it is a dangerous and rather stupid thing to do. There is, in my opinion, no reasonable scientific proof to support adding it to water supplies.

However, (Taking a deep breath here) I believe that for most people, fluoride in the water is a dangerous mis-focus from real issues. Fluoride fears come mainly from the marketing arms of filtration companies.

Fluoride is a natural and necessary nutrient for our bodies. We require is for a number of chemical process including bone and tooth health. Mind you we normally get it in the form of calcium fluoride in plants. And I believe that if it needs supplementing we should be doing that through fertilizer in gardens not in water supply. (Besides the point.)

Now the point at which fluoride becomes toxic (several grams for the average person, not milligrams) would require that you drink several hundred litres of water a day on an ongoing basis to have a negative effect. If you do the research you will see that town water supplies do put a low level in. There are many locations around the world that have much higher naturally occurring fluoride levels than ours.

In Australia, our government has done research and found that the filtration methods that remove fluoride are often unreliable so have created codes about claims to remove fluoride. The most reliable (cheap) filtration method to remove fluoride uses aluminium as a base. It is this that companies use for normal filters. This is because we can get an accurate estimate of the fluoride removed over the life of the filter. This is not possible with other filters.

So while many filters, including the Nikken and Zazen filters, will remove a large portion of fluoride in the water there is no way to give reliable estimates of the life of the filter or of the levels of fluoride removed. This is why Australian standards do not allow these claims to be made.

However is is not commercially viable to make small numbers of filters to remove fluoride. Very expensive to produce small numbers of anything.

My personal opinion is that this is the reason behind the fluoridation scares. (Please, remember that I do not support water fluoridation)

Now, having said all of that, there are a small number of people for whom even these low levels are toxic, hence the change in laws so that you cannot sue the government for damage caused. These people do need to find a water source that does not have sodium fluoride or to find a way of removing it. This is where a fluoride filtration system comes in.

There are many types of these but a small under sink filter will suit most people. Try ringing Byron at Water Filter world at Graceville. However doing all of that still does not address any of the issues addressed by the Nikken PiMag and the Zazen system so I would still consider that one of these is needed after any other system....

Hope all of that helps. Feel free to contact me direct if you have more questions.
--
Kindest Regards

Francis McGrath
OasisLiving.com.au
Email: androdynamics@gmail.com
Ph: 0409 670 218

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